The Cheetah Girls (TimeMage)
Format: Advance
Genre: Action
Developer: Gorilla Systems
Publisher: Buena Vista Games

Review
Brought to you by the same people that brought you Kingdom Hearts, This is 'The Cheetah Girls'. A coming to life story about 3 black women and a wannabe black bimbo who refuse to quit despite having no personality, abilities, and a penchant to try to turn everything in their lives into some fetish about giant cats. The cruel irony of this game is that despite it being a video game, the best plot they could come up with is that they stole their songs from a poodle. If it wasn't already obvious from the seething, this game is bad. Not just bad, but extraordinarily bad. Going into this challenge, this was actually one of the games I was worried about being specifically bad, and I was right on the money. The game itself follows the plot/story that 4 women (possibly menopausal?) start a band to get their names 'out there' and become famous. The game is split into 2 parts, wandering about and "dance mode" where you play a DDR-like game that has zero rhythm to the actual horrible music. About 30 minutes in you are prompted to "make your own music" which is just combining 3x3x3 choices. Now you get to listen to your own horrible creations as you play this slow choppy DDR game while your characters make movements outside of your vision range. It all makes me wonder who the audience for this game was. The craziest part of this whole game is probably the amount of people that worked on it. It's a pretty bad game with many faults. It feels cheap to boot. Every time you fail a "gig" you have to go with the white girl back to the dance studio to get back your hearts/stars in order to advance. Only the white girl is capable of saving the group. Oh cruel liberal irony.

All in All, This game should have burned in the pit of carnageddon. That's right, I just invented a place for the lost souls of video games that are so bad they can barely be called video games. Right now, I just took more effort in my inventiveness than this whole game did. This game gets what it deserves, 1 whole whopping "growl" out of 10. I can't imagine who thought this game was a good idea. I've never worked under the CCP, but after playing this game, I can imagine what it's like. Go here, Go There, Dance Monkey Dance! The worst part, and I mean WORST part of this game is that the map feature(which is quick travel) is the SECOND option in the menu... the first option is the cell phone, which has no actual use. The clothing minigame was really bad too.

TimeMage's verdict: